Jokes. I wish I could say I’m sick of them but I’m not. Even when there are four voices competing in my van so the loudest can tell me another one, and another one and another…ahh, you get the picture. So my six year-old son asks me this morning if I can look up even more jokes, this time Holiday jokes, so he can be the “hot” kid on the playground and spout them off. Sure, why not. I’ve got nothing better to do. No need to work on my latest book and novella that are harping at me to finish, no need to do laundry (we can survive, I think) and no need to get my house in shape for a meeting being held at said house tonight. Nay, what the heck. Jokes, jokes and more jokes.
Now, as I was researching Holiday jokes I also found a nice Dr. Seuss (sort of) Passover joke, which is now my ultimate fave. The Q&A’s will make my six year-old giggle for miles in the van, while my almost 12 year-old will absorb the reindeer in the bar joke (secretly tell his friends later on) and it will be my nine year-old son who will learn in a heartbeat the Dr. Seuss rhyme, all to the tune of our three year-old saying “my turn, my turn.” Ahh, the joys of my daily morning routine.
The first reindeer seen in a bar
One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof. As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here." The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."\
Question and Answer Christmas Jokes
Q: What do elves learn in school?A: The Elf-abet!
Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?A: "I don't like sprouts" !
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?A: The North Poll.
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? A: Ribbon hood.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?A: Because it's to far to walk.
Q: What kind of bird can write?A: A PENguin.
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? A: Sandy Claus!
Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? A: Fleece Navidad!
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?A: North Polish.
Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?A: Crisp Cringle.
Passover Dr. Suess Style
Sam! Will you never see? They are not KOSHER, So let me be! I will not eat green eggs and ham. I will not eat them Sam-I-am. But I'll eat green eggs with a biscuit. Or I will try them with some brisket. I'll eat green eggs in a box. If you serve them with some lox. And those green eggs are worth a try Scrambled up inside some matzoh brie! And in a boat upon the river, I'll eat green eggs with chopped liver! So if you're a Jewish Dr. Seuss fan, But troubled by green eggs and ham. Let your friends in on the scoop: Green eggs taste best with chicken soup!
Special thanks to http://humormatters.com/holidays/passover.htm and http://www.ahajokes.com/christmas_jokes.html